It's in the can!

I remembers, back in dah day, when I usta write with personality and flare, and even, quite frequently by accident with little humor. That was back in the day, before you crazy people turned me into a raving ranting politico psychopath! It's all your dadgum fault, so don't you go beggin' me for a bail out; I'm your Uncle Randy, not your Uncle Sam! But Uncle Barry is the one to look out for, he'll make you make extra vegan ultra green hippy products in return, with jobs that can't be shipped overseas, and it's hard to slip one past Berry to Sam. He's got a Portuguese Waterdog, you know? You got watch out fer, or you'll be slobbered, clobbered, diddi'ed, and socialized; oh so socialized: And we all know how painful that can be, if not, just ask your insurance company.

Cousin, I like to writ like this, many of you get the wrong idea that I'm a Righter, twitch I taint! Yeh, you might want to turn off dat lyin' breath Fux News, and meet us out here in the middle of the road? Don'tcha worry, taint no traffic on this street no more, it's a place called Main Street! With all these Republican potholes, even the garbage trucks would rather take the dirt, than the road. Taint safe to be out standing in your field, but perfectly fine here in the middle of the road.

I saw a Wall Street Banker here the otter day. He seemed quite puzzled why I didn't owe him a rent check? I explained that I twasn't a rentler, and he fussed and farted, and said; “You sure? I own everything else on your street? Well, me and Uncle Sam, and the Chinese that is. And I don't want no Shaolin kicking my butt, if your behind on your rent? So don't you lie to me!” It seems very odd to me, that a banker can walk the streets freely, but a census worker???

Census workers, got my full permission to listen to Glenn Dreck, and carry arms- not against the government, against the citizens watchin Fux News all day! They got some crazy ideas, there deep in the back woods of Manhattan. Themmins seem to think we're all billionaires, getting taxed without???

Ifn I twer a billionaire, I might be as mad as a tea bagger! Taxes back up to the Clinton days, imagine that? But I taint, so I kinda like a government that's friendly to me for a change. Call me crazy and all, but it kinda helps when someone trying to make jobs here? Maybe if we can get these gasoline prices under control, I can even afford my mornin 1000 calorie mocha java again?

Deedja here about dis guy? Seem his cat been eaten his beans. Green coffee beans they be, and they was far too expensive to waste on a cat, so he starts following the cat around pickin up droppings, and roastin them? Now, I'm cheap but, there's a limit! However, seems these billionaires, are willing to part with $20 a poop? You know, I taint goin to get nothing but pissed off about dis! Dis kinda crap never works for me!? You know, I'm grown, I'm all usta eating shat by the bucket, but I'm not zackly ready tah drink it. What was that, about a fool and his money?

As much as I liked that punched line; some of you might be getting the wrong idea, that I be Ebonising this, in a mocking whitey kind of way. Not so fast, dis be more Cali-country than Ebonics, in case you never notice, thar be more cows in California than dare be people. And with just a little exazeratin'... we all sound like idiots!