Advice to New Bloggers

Hi, I'm professor Dys Lexic. You can call me Dys, if you like?
This is a workshop for people who want to express themselves like Blogo! "Any **** can record me at any **** time!" -No, no, no, not that Blogo!

For some reason, you decided that you have something to say, RIGHT? No? Then why are you typing messages to the world? This is the very first thing to keep in mind when blogging; YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY! Maybe it's important? And maybe it isn't? Still, there it is, a thought of some kind, wiggling and squirming to get out of your head, and into somebody else's, right? Or should I say Write!

The first thing to realize about your thought, is that it's important enough to PUBLISH! At least from you to a select target audience. So being apologetic about it, reads as false humility almost 90% of the time. Which is a a lot like making your first post read like this: "Hi, I'm a two faced jerk and a liar, can I sell you something?" Well no, your a two faced jerk, remember?

So there are secrets to good blogging. Remember, that you're no longer just the local yokel, bean picker or whatever. You are now a journalist. And you instantly thought of Newspaper Reporter, when you heard the word journalist, didn't you? That's ok, because to be a successful blogger, you need to retrain your brain, anyhow, to be more like those jerks! Most blogs are Editorials, and not Essays. Meaning it would be on the opinion page of your newspaper, not the front page. Go ahead, have that rant, it's your blog! That's not one of the common mistakes in them.

Now, I hate to inform you of this, but most people reading your thoughts will be hostile to you. That's right. It's very hard to be charismatic with words, because your making them think. And people don't like to think, even though, they think they like to think. So their thoughts are, what has this JERK got to say now, about what? That is if, they are taking any time to read you at all? So, remember those 6 important questions (6 w's(???)):

1. Who
2. What
3. When
4. Where
5. Why
6. How

The third mistake made, is to give too much information about yourself. If your age is important, your birthday more than likely is not. Why? Because I'm not going to celebrate you; I'm really, really not! Besides, what you wrote at 17, was the view point of a 17 year old. Maybe, an exceptionally enlightened one, as improbable as that might be. Point is, too much information is a ramble, as well as a personal security leak! You need to be cryptic about yourself, some!

Let's Review:

1. What you are saying is IMPORTANT to someone.
   
2. Feel free to rewrite a even few times before posting, and watch those W's. Here at Blogger, you can rewrite as much as you want.
   
3. Don't ramble, and give too much information about yourself.
4. Don't expect EVERYONE to be your friend.
   

Then there are these mutants, perfect academics, who haven't a clue, that their PERFECT writing, is an abnormality in itself- Type A's. Does your writing communicate your unique thoughts? Then you should be happy with that. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try harder to be a better writer, not at all! But some will always attack you on issues of grammar or spelling, and not for your improvement, which is why this is a sensitive nerve to me. It's their way of just putting you down, for being offensive enough to dare to have an opinion of your own. So, who's problem is it really- don't take it personally, and never overreact, like I ******* do!

Next, be civil. "What the hell is..." might not being exposing your better self. One magic thing about TV writers for major networks- they are very creative in mutating common vulgarities. Which is an art of comedy unto itself. Just be more creative, will you?

Never put counters on your blog or website. It's not a good idea to tell people how unpopular you are, it really isn't! Maybe that's just my problem?

Last point: Does your writing have any personality or character to it? Sometimes, you need to be the Thespian, the Actor playing the role of an exaggerated character such as Prof. Dys Lexic, to keep the reader engaged. Besides, it can be fun, to be somebody else for a few minutes.

Blog on, dudes and dudettes! Remember to be entertaining.
And please, please, please, rethink being pink!